In this week’s most ridiculous stories from the Daily Mail column, it’s a ‘news that totally isn’t news’ special. Includes breaking stories such as ‘woman carries two handbags’, ‘man carries baby’ and ‘woman takes out the rubbish’.
For the love of God.
1. Now for my demure look: Miley Cyrus is elegant and grown up in head-to-toe black and Chanel accessories
You’re probably going to need to sit down for this phenomenal piece of well researched, shocking journalism. Are you ready? Miley Cyrus has been spotted out and about carrying not one, but TWO Chanel handbags.
As shocked and abhorred as you are by this story, we have to remember that Miley Cyrus is just a normal human being who chooses to spend a lot of her time in the limelight. We know it’s hard not to judge someone for carrying two bags made by the same brand, but it’s Friday. Let’s cut her some slack.
2. Thor’s still got his strength! Chris Hemsworth cradles daughter India while buying health food with pregnant wife Elsa as he continues 500-calorie-a-day diet
It’s not just the really engaging and snappy headline of this story that caught our eye.
Movie star Chris Hemsworth has been papped whilst out shopping with his family, and the Daily Mail are marvelling at the Thor actor’s strength because he can carry… a two-year-old child. We’re not entirely sure that’s an achievement that deserves national news coverage, but hey, we’re not a national newspaper, what do we know…?!
3. She just can’t help it! Kate Upton covers up for once… but still manages to flash as sneaky peak of her bra at the basketball
The Daily Mail seem to think making snarky comments about super babe and swimwear model Kate Upton keeping her clothes on is enough to constitute a news story. It’s nice to see that it’s still ok to take the piss and ridicule people about what they do for a living, and then judge them for it as well. Such fun!
The misleading headline leads us to believe that Kate has given the paps a flash of her undergarments, when in reality, it’s just that the photographers flash has made her top slightly see-through, which means you can subsequently see her bra.
4. A rubbish job but someone’s got to do it! Make-up free Rachel Hunter shows off model figure in skinny jeans as she takes out the trash
The DM kick off this excellently written article with a quick glimpse back into Rachel’s modelling heyday, but then we’re quickly snapped back into reality when we’re reminded that her current task is ‘a far cry from the glitz and glamour’ of that wonderful time.
The model ‘stepped out make-up free as she tended to her rubbish in a casual ensemble’. Of course she fucking stepped out make-up free in a casual ensemble. She’s taking the bins out, idiots.
5. Daddy’s little mascot! Cesc Fabregas’ daughter Lia wears team football kit as she watches her father play
Of course she’s going to wear the football kit of the team her own father plays for, especially if she’s going to the actual game. It’s not even like she chose the outfit herself, her mum probably didn’t want to wear a gross nylon football shirt so she fobbed it off on her child.
PR exec who likes finding funnies and cool stuff online. Print journalism graduate.