1. New mom, new hair! Kim Kardashian goes blonde and debuts her slimmed down post-pregnancy figure in skinny jeans as she steps out with baby North
We can’t imagine how lost the DM must’ve been feeling with Kim Kardashian off on maternity leave, but thankfully she’s back now so they can get back to writing 1,000 word articles about her hair. The news agenda is back on track everyone, we can all sleep easier tonight.
2. Games consoles, bicycles and children’s toys: The household items that harbour more bacteria than your TOILET SEAT
Some classic scaremongering from the DM. You’re children are going to die by playing, TAKE AWAY THEIR FUN!
3. Two-year-old girl WALKED out of private nursery and all the way home after ‘workman left door open’
Whilst this is quite a shocking story, the accompanying picture is what makes it for us. We imagine the photographer saying, ‘Ok, just imagine you’re walking… and, go!’ It looks like she’s had a special shopping spree in the kids’ section of Primark for the photocall as well.
4. Princess Diana would approve. Naomi Watts stuns ass she steals the show at the Diana premiere in white gown
We imagine Naomi Watts was wracked with nerves on the way to the Diana premier about whether or not her choice of frock would meet approval, but she’ll be glad to know that the Daily Mail have given Diana’s blessing. Thankfully, they’ve also managed to dig out a photo of Diana in a ‘similar’ (by similar, they mean white) dress, so they can ham on about Diana a bit more.
5. Where’s Lauren? Simon Cowell goes solo to The X Factor premiere party…as ex Terri Seymour comes out to support him
If the Daily Mail choose to write a story every time Simon Cowell is at a party wither without the mother of his child, or that one of his ex-girlfriends is at, they might have to employ a couple more ‘journalists’. Heaven forbid that a pregnant woman should stay in instead of going out to be hounded by paparazzi. What a ridiculous decision…
PR exec who likes finding funnies and cool stuff online. Print journalism graduate.