1. Claire Richards reveals slimmed-down figure… but she can’t resist stopping off at the bakery to pick up some cakes
At the beginning of this headline you’d be forgiven for thinking that the Daily Mail are actually being fairly complimentary about a woman who has managed to lose some weight after battling with size issues for a number of years.
However, they just couldn’t help themselves, and have gone with a story about Claire from Steps picking up some cakes from a bakery in London.
Leading with a comment about her yo-yo dieting, the DM go on to say that she looks “slimmer than ever” despite referencing that she was once a size 10 (and therefore even slimmer than she is now) when she was in pop super group Steps.
According to the Daily Mail, Claire just “couldn’t resist” stopping off at a bakery for some sweet treats.
2. Brave Michelle Williams is visibly distressed as she emerges from Philip Seymour Hoffman’s wake, six years on from death of Heath Ledger
No-one needs to know how sad Michelle Williams is about the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. This doesn’t count as news, and it’s not going to impact anyone’s day in any way at all, so why the Daily Mail have felt it necessary to post a story about a grieving woman is beyond me.
Oh no, hang on, it’s so they can compare the death of Hollywood star Hoffman with the death of her ex-partner Heath Ledger six years earlier, because they died in circumstances relating to drug overdoses. How kind of them.
3. Lingerie clad Nicki Minaj tweets snap of her extension-free ponytail after years in wigs
In what could possibly be the most boring ‘news’ story of the day, the Daily Mail have decided that we must know about the fact that Nicki Minaj has hair. That’s it.
After years of wearing wigs for performances and public appearances, Nicki Minaj has been pictured holding up her actual ponytail. Now, maybe this might be news if her hair underneath was damaged, or she was in fact bald, from years of wig abuse. But it’s not, it’s just totally normal hair.
4. Katie Homes furrows her brow as she tries to pull off the oversized coat look after dropping Suri at school
Every week I am astounded at the amount of daily activities undertaken by celebrities that the Daily Mail manages to whip up into a news story. Sometimes they don’t even have to be celebrities, they just have to have an incredibly tenuous connection to one, but today’s is about an A Lister.
This week’s totally bollocks not actually a news story is about Katie Holmes looking “a bit out of sorts” after dropping her daughter Suri off at school. Except she doesn’t look out of sorts, she looks totally normal, and the paparazzi have just managed to capture her making a slightly odd facial expression, which could be down to anything from needing a burp to Katie having the sun in her eyes.
The Daily Mail are also ‘reporting’ that the actress “drowned her figure in an unflattering oversized coat” for the school run. I imagine they judge her because the entire ‘yummy’ mummy contingent of the Daily Mail head out on the school run on a daily basis looking perfectly groomed.
5. They’re BFFs! Naomi Watts’ bestie used to be Nicole Kidman, but now it’s Reese Witherspoon… as the two head out for yoga yet again
Two women go to yoga together more than once. This appears to be Daily Mail criteria for being best friends for life.
Not only have they been going to yoga together on more than one occasion (gasp!) they were also spotted wearing similar gym outfits as they hit yoga together, BECAUSE ALL YOGA OUTFITS ARE BASICALLY EXACTLY THE SAME!
If you were to do a gym line up of women, you’d be able to spot the ones who were there for yoga within about five seconds, due to the leggings, t-shirt, trainers and yoga mat combo.
If they’re spotted going to yoga again, I expect the Daily Mail will be reporting the sound of civil ceremony bells.
PR exec who likes finding funnies and cool stuff online. Print journalism graduate.