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This Week’s Top Five Most Ridiculous Stories from The Daily Mail

1. Horsemeat is found in cans of beef: Thousands of tins on sale in discount shops removed from shelves after discovery

The whole horsemeat debacle is so January that the DM has only managed to squeeze this story in about a fifth of the way down the homepage.

Unsurprisingly, some horsemeat has been found in canned beef sold at discount stores, which has come all the way from Romania. Whould’ve thought it?

Quite frankly, if you’re eating ‘beef’ out of a tin that has come from Eastern Europe, we don’t really see how you can be surprised it’s horsemeat.

BUY BRITISH, PEOPLE.

 

2. #Hope I Don’t Crash: Dangerous trend as reckless Instagram users post selfies of themselves

Yet another story that makes us concerned for the future of the human race. More than THREE MILLION (yes we’re doing the ‘we’re shocked so we’re going to put it in capital letters’ thing that the DM does so well…) people have posted pictures of themselves driving on Instagram and other social networks.

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Despite the fact that using your mobile phone whilst driving is a) super illegal (in the UK) and b) super dangerous, it seems that idiots – sorry, people – are more interested in sharing the fact that they’re driving with their followers (who probably don’t give a fuck).

Stop it. Stop it now.

 

3. Metrosexual Mark! Wahlberg embraces his feminine side in pink jumper and matching trainers while running errands

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It’s 2013, Daily Mail. Men moisturise, wear ‘guyliner’ and get massages. They also wear pink.

We don’t want to blow your mind, but women can vote too.

 

4. What’s tickling you? Ronan Keating suffers from a fit of the giggles as he steps out with daughter Missy and girlfriend Storm Uechtritz

Ronan Keating is papped smiling alongside his daughter, which naturally is a cause for investigation into why he looks SO GOD DAMN HAPPY.

One thing we have learnt though, is that Ronan is currently a judge on Australia’s X Factor. Who knew?

On a totally different subject, Ronan Keating’s forearm looks MASSIVE.

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5. How your bag-for-life could POISON you: Expert warns that reusable carriers could become contaminated with E.coli

A professor of bacteriology says that bags-for-life can apparently give you E.coli, and suggests that they should never be used to carry raw meat or vegetables with soil on them.

The number of people who actually buy vegetables with soil on them, or raw meat that isn’t encased within a plastic packaging prison, is probably pretty low, so that reduces the risk somewhat.

Professor Pennington suggests we just forget about the environment and use plastic bags instead, undoing the work that super-environmentally-consious supermarkets have put in encouraging to spend an extra 10p every time we shop in order to save a hedgehog.

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Iona St Joseph

Written by Iona St Joseph

PR exec who likes finding funnies and cool stuff online. Print journalism graduate.

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