The Daily Mail’s crapalanche of poorly written articles shows no sign of slowing down, so strap yourselves in, here’s the worst five articles from the last week.
1. Abbey Crouch sports revealing tie-up bikini in Ibiza
I’m not sure which part of this article is more shocking, the fact that the bikini is tie-up (gasp!) or that it’s revealing (sobs). Forgive for my ignorance DM, but I was under the assumption that bikinis were meant to be revealing. In the blurb on the sidebar of shame, it also says she… chatted to her husband. Not really breaking news, is it?
2. How I tried to SMELL myself slim
In an age where almost all stupid people who didn’t listen in biology are on a fad diet, it’s only natural that the Mail would include a diet about how you can smell yourself thin. Not a great article for teenagers that spend their nights wishing that they could be skinny like their fave celeb though.
3. Pippa Middleton Channels Strawberries and Cream ahead of Wimbledon as she stocks up in Waitrose (but she won’t win any style points in that granny chic!)
Pippa Middleton does her shopping. The DM have managed to make AN ENTIRE NEWS ARTICLE about the fact that Pippa’s been down to Waitrose and bought some lambs leaf lettuce. They know what kind of lettuce she bought, because they used a super zoom paparazzi lens which managed to get a sneak peak into her shopping bag.
The top fashionistas at the Daily Mail have also concluded that she used strawberries and cream as the inspiration for her outfit, as she was wearing a coral dress and Wimbledon starts this week. It’s the only logical explanation.
4. Can you actually BREATHE? Myleene Klass sports eye-wateringly tight floral dress for early morning television appearance
Of course she can breathe. Stop being so fucking ridiculous. Also, note shock tactics on the word ‘BREATHE’. Classic DM capitalisation.
5. Holiday Blues: Kelly Brook looks glum as she returns from her summer break and is keeping her famous chest covered up
‘Holiday Blues’ = Kelly happens not to be smiling in three of the pictures that the DM paps have taken of her. Further down the page, Kelly Brook is smiling.
‘Keeping her famous chest covered up’ = Kelly is wearing clothes that are totally appropriate for the British weather.
PR exec who likes finding funnies and cool stuff online. Print journalism graduate.