The laws from Planet Bonkers

HACKNEY council in London has finally seen sense and scrapped its £1,000 fines for rough sleepers. If you had £1,000 to spare would you be dossing down on a pavement, snuggled up in a cardboard box? Nobody would have ever paid up anyway.

The council had launched a Public Space Protection Order, which sought to ban sleeping in doorways. However, tens of thousands of people have signed a petition which has forced Hackney council to scrap their bonkers plans.
The U-turn comes one day after the chart-topping singer Ellie Goulding lent her name to the movement for change, branding the council “ignorant” in a Twitter tirade.
Remember when the last government came up with a plan to march drunken revellers to cashpoints to force them to pay on-the-spot anti-social behaviour fines? That never took off either.
Sometimes it is hard to believe the people in these hallowed council chambers actually live on the same planet as the rest of us. It’s just plain daft.
POOR old Two Jags, John Prescott  (or Two Shags, as he was branded for a while) has been having to slum it with the rest of us and rely on public transport to get around lately.
The former Deputy Prime Minister was caught speeding in his Jaguar in Hull earlier this year. As the 77-year-old already had nine points on his licence at the time of the offence, he has been given an automatic driving ban which will last until November.He has a previous conviction for speeding in 1991 when he was banned from driving after being caught doing over 100mph on the motorway.
Speaking of his latest conviction John Prescott said: “I committed an offence. I’m not arguing. I’ve been involved in bringing speeding legislation in and I have to face the consequences but that’s life and you can’t have any excuse. At the end of the day, that’s it, you’re suspended”.
Poor old Pauline must be suffering too. She once made Two Jags drive her 200 yards from one venue to another at a party conference so she didn’t get her hair wet. Time to invest in a brolly love.
ARE there no lengths to which people will not go to get PR for a book launch? This week’s ‘shocking behaviour’ award has to go to Tory MP Nadine Dorries.
The MP for Mid-Bedfordshire chose this week, in which she launched her latest book, to claim she was sexually abused by a local vicar as a child. The former I’m a Celebrity contestant, 58, revealed that stories of sexual abuse in her previous novels are based on her own experiences.
Dorries claims an Anglican vicar and family friend, Rev James Cameron, sexually abused her from the age of nine. In her best-selling Four Streets books the predator was even called Mr Cameron, but until now she had claimed the character was fictitious.
Unfortunately the Reverend Cameron is no longer with us, so is unable to defend himself against the revelations of Ms Dorries. His widow, Margaret still is, and she has had to listen to these unsubstantiated claims. She said she’d read the allegations and didn’t want to comment.
It’s a pity Nadine Dorries didn’t take a leaf out of her book and learn when it is right to keep your mouth shut.
SUPER-model Kate Moss has been making up for a detox week in Turkey. She was refused alcohol by cabin crew staff on an Easyjet flight from Bodrum to Luton this week, so decided to swig Vodka from a bottle in her hand luggage instead.
Her bolshy behaviour was enough for the captain to radio ahead and ask for police assistance to escort her off the flight on landing. You might be a super-model, but you’re not above the law – just like the rest of us.
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Kevan Blackadder

Written by Kevan Blackadder

Kevan Blackadder is a media consultant who runs Blackadder Media Limited. Kevan was previously editor of the Gloucestershire Echo and assistant editor of the Bristol Post. A Cumbrian who moved to the South West “for a couple of years” in the 1980s, he can’t quite believe he’s been there ever since.

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