So the exciting news in the last seven days that the Japanese government has freed up some money to support ‘birth rate boosting projects’. We’re imagining some version of Blind Date or sending Paddy McGuinness over to let the soy see the sauce.
The announcement comes after research last year discovered most women aged 16-24 in Japan actually despise sex and before you say anything about prudes or ice queens or whatever it’s worth noting a third of men felt the same way. Whatever Japan has done over the last few decades has meant that soon sales of adult diapers for pensioners will be higher than those for babies. BECAUSE THERE ARE NO BABIES.
We love a good Nanny State intervention, especially when it’s a model we could need to adopt here in the UK in the future. What with young people having to live with their parents so long or renting seriously sub-standard homes from dodgy landlords out to make a fast buck it can be increasingly difficult to attract a mate. It’s not easy to woo a potential spouse when the mould spores in your damp flat make it hard for you to breathe during conversation, let alone during a period of horizontal jogging.
Of course then there’s the problem that our current Government don’t actually like women. Take this exchange between MP for Lincoln Karl McCartney and Tory Councillor Richard Davies when Lucy Rigby was selected to stand as MP for Labour.
A landmark law, ensuring all future governments consider gender equality when handing out overseas investment and aid, was passed this month too but it didn’t get the media coverage to match it’s potential global impact. It just didn’t have the awesome power of Osborne’s bingo tax reduction or a photo of David Cameron doing a mile for Sport Relief. Let’s hope he at least handed in his sponsorship money.
And when women finally do get out of the kitchen? They’re not allowed to serve foreign dignitaries for fear they might distract them from their important nuclear talk. Or they get the chance to marry rich, powerful men and enjoy their ‘pillow talk’. Gag. But only if they went to Malborough College, now dubbed the School of Wives. We get The Rage just thinking about this latest dickheadery in a long line of bollocks.
So, trust this or any Government with our love lives? Not a flying fuck in Hell’s chance. We’re hoping Japan uses this extra money to invest in innovative and ground-breaking paternity and maternity laws with impressive child care provision for couples and doesn’t just spunk it up the wall with some drab singles evenings where the most erotic thing is working out how they got the mini toad in the mini hole as part of the canapes selection. Come on Japan, help us all out here.
Angharad is a former radio journalist balancing a career in PR with an insatiable writing habit that spans more topics than she can count on her smaller-than-average hands. She's passionate about the media, women's rights and politics with a love of travel, culture, entertainment and all things lifestyle on the side. Interests include prolific online shopping (bit of a reputation in the office), musicals, dinosaurs (be honest, they're awesome) and tweeting anything and everything from @Welsh_PR