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It’s time for a fry-up

BACON, burgers and sausages are as big a cancer threat as cigarettes according to a damning new report from the World Health Organisation released this week.

The report has classified processed meat as carcinogenic alongside arsenic and asbestos. Officials say that just 50g of processed meat a day – which equates to half your average banger – increases the risk of bowel cancer by almost one fifth. Experts are now urging us ordinary folk to avoid processed meat where possible and to have a bean salad for lunch rather than a ham sandwich.

I don’t know about you, but I am bloody sick of being lectured to by the nanny state. Last week they were telling us we couldn’t put our sausage rolls in the office microwave lest we should offend someone’s religious beliefs. This week they’re taking them off the menu altogether. I wonder what next week’s food scare will be? I’m off down the greasy spoon for a full fry-up and a few mugs of builders’ tea before it’s too late. I might even be tempted to have a fag outside – even though I gave up 15 years ago.

THE ‘elf and safety’ police at Morrisons supermarket took their ID rules to the nth degree when 32-year-old father-of-one Andy O’Neill popped into his local store in Derby to buy party poppers to celebrate his birthday.

Staff refused to sell the age-restricted product because Mr O’Neill could not produce any ID. He asked how old you had to be to buy the party poppers and was told by staff you had to be sixteen. He pointed out that at 32 he was double the age to buy the goods, but they wouldn’t budge.

Mr O’Neill said the ‘world had gone mad’ after he was refused the sale and that he was made to feel like a criminal. Come on Morrisons, show some common sense for once!

IN KENT, a bungling crime commissioner who was not properly insured when she was involved in a car accident won’t be prosecuted because too much time has lapsed between the accident and a prosecution. The Crown Prosecution Service dropped the case saying it was not in the ‘public interest’ to prosecute.

The Kent crime tsar, Ann Barnes, who pockets £85,000 of tax-payers’ money a year, was driving a Mercedes sports car when she was involved in a collision last year. The car was insured in her husband’s name and she was only on the policy as a named driver. When the accident happened she was using the car to travel between meetings and the car was not insured for business use in her name.

The Independent Police Complaints Commission has spent months trying to prove ‘there is evidence of an offence of using a motor vehicle without insurance’ only to be knocked back by the CPS. I don’t think I’d get off that easily!

Barnes is no stranger to controversy. Her first major gaffe came when she appointed 17-year-old Paris Brown as Britain’s first youth crime commissioner. Paris later resigned from her £15,000-a-year role after making offensive comments on her twitter feed. She wrote about, amongst other things, her sex life, violence, drinking and drug taking.

Last year Barnes was filmed for a fly-on-the-wall documentary for Channel 4 called Meet the Police Commissioner. During the programme she said she had no idea what her job entailed. The storm that followed her toe-curling performance culminated in someone hiring a plane to fly over Maidstone, where she works, trailing a banner which read #AnnBarnesout Resign.

Somehow she’s still hanging on in there, not having a clue what the job is about and drawing that £85,000 a year salary. Nice work if you can get it.

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Kevan Blackadder

Written by Kevan Blackadder

Kevan Blackadder is a media consultant who runs Blackadder Media Limited. Kevan was previously editor of the Gloucestershire Echo and assistant editor of the Bristol Post. A Cumbrian who moved to the South West “for a couple of years” in the 1980s, he can’t quite believe he’s been there ever since.

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