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If it ain’t broke…

WELL the gloves are definitely off in the Brexit debate between Boris and Shiny Dave this week. Dave even offered Boris an olive branch in the form of a Government leadership role and called him a ‘fantastic’ Mayor, but the boy Boris didn’t fall for all that flattery.

Boris has promised people a ‘fantastic new future’ outside the European Union but others fear for the UK economy if we go down that route. Even his dad disagrees with him. Some major UK retailers have voted with their feet already. The Brexit uncertainty has led to  bosses at Asda, BT, Marks & Spencer and Vodafone backing the ‘in’ campaign. Sterling fell to its lowest level against the US dollar since 2009 this week, prompting the big boys to come out in favour stating they fear a Brexit would ‘deter investment and threaten jobs’.

I’m old enough to remember the previous vote in 1975 on whether we should remain in the EEC – although I wasn’t old enough to vote. My wife tells me her mum only voted Yes because she could and her dad would never find out. It stopped her from making Findus Crispy Pancakes on voting day, which was a blessing.

smash

Whatever debates we can have about a Brexit and the impact on the economy, it will b a very sad affair if it comes to a straight choose between those two buffoons, Boris and Shiny Dave. Remember the Smash instant dried mashed potato adverts from the 70s? In it terrestrial creatures laughed at how humans peeled potatoes and then smashed them all to bits. It ain’t broke. Don’t fix it please! Just carry on peeling the spuds. The great explorers brought us fags and chips remember?

The whole Euro vote feels just like that. Forty years of European progress has washed under the bridge since the last vote. It would be utter madness to pull out now. We no longer take water sterilisation tablets to France (remember those days?) and if we do leave the EU, will it mean we have to have those over-tanned Brits back from Fuengirola and Benidorm claiming their winter heating allowance?

Don’t you just love ex-pats? They go over there, never learn to speak the lingo, email relatives to send them Branston Pickle, Marmite and Heinz Baked Beans and never immerse themselves in the culture. Let them stay there and forever eat a ‘Full English’ in the Sun Burned Arms. It’s those ex-pats in Europe who are still entitled to goodness knows what benefits from us, even though they probably haven’t lived here in many a wet and rainy year. And a Brexit wouldn’t change that. Or is there something in the small print?

SOMEONE who does work – and is obviously at the start of his working life – is Prince William. He is paid an absolute fortune by us hard-pressed tax-payers, but is only contracted to work 80 hours a month. Last week bosses at the East Anglian Air Ambulance service claimed he was ‘hardly ever on duty’. It transpires that Wills has only performed two Royal duties this year.

Get a grip William and Kate. You’re not like ‘ordinary’ people. You live somewhere mega posh and have live-in help, which we pay for. Next time you go out and have a paid-for babysitter, think on about all the people who have to pay for that pleasure and don’t have to get up at the crack of dawn the next morning to go to that four-letter word beginning with W.

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Kevan Blackadder

Written by Kevan Blackadder

Kevan Blackadder is a media consultant who runs Blackadder Media Limited. Kevan was previously editor of the Gloucestershire Echo and assistant editor of the Bristol Post. A Cumbrian who moved to the South West “for a couple of years” in the 1980s, he can’t quite believe he’s been there ever since.

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