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China in your hands

IT’S ONE of the biggest causes of marital strife up and down the country. The battle of the sexes hinges on the correct way to load the dishwasher. Picture the Sunday afternoon scene – you load the dishwasher as your once-a-week ‘show willing’ routine and then her indoors comes along and takes the whole lot out and rearranges it.

Apparently the male of the species will ram as many dirty plates in as possible willy-nilly and hope for the best, while the fairer sex has a set routine and places plates in order of size. Thankfully, the electrical appliance maker Bosch has produced a definitive guide to loading the dishwasher to put an end to the after dinner squabbles.

There is no need to pre-rinse crockery, which is a victory for the ‘speedy stackers’, but Bosch does say it is wise to scrape big lumps of food off the plates first. Well, that’s hardly rocket science is it? You only end up on your hands and knees fishing out bits of slop with your bare hands if you don’t.

Next, glasses and cups should be placed at angles to stop water gathering on their flat surfaces and plates should be stacked in order of size facing the same direction. A point for the fairer sex team.

According to the guide you shouldn’t mix plates with pots and pans in the same load as they won’t wash as well. That’s a mark against the ram it all in willy-nilly brigade.

But whether stubborn couples will take heed of the advice or stick to their existing, and often very regimented routines remains to be seen. Oh well, it goes some way to prove men are from Mars and women are from Venus.

WOMEN drivers get a bad press – but two incidents reported in the media this week have to be seen to be believed.
A woman has been filmed by a fellow motorist watching Masterchef at the wheel of her car on the A127 in Essex. She was watching the show on a tablet device mounted onto her windscreen.
Professional driver Luke Page, from Southend, said he was sitting in traffic while filming the woman. During the film, which Mr Page posted on Facebook, he can clearly be heard saying ‘She has got two pieces of technology attached to the front of her car – a ‘phone and a tablet – and she’s currently watching TV while she’s driving’.
He got out of the car in standing traffic and confronted the woman in what was a heated exchange. She denied she was watching Masterchef, but the show is clearly visible playing away on the tablet.
But there’s an even more astonishing woman driver story to top that one this week. A driver working for M&J Seafood’s branch in Cirencester feared he may have lost his job after a woman in a red mini lurched forward and smashed into the back of his van. He was called into the office and feared he was getting the sack. He’d been on his first shift after looking for work for ages.
Bosses reassured the driver the accident wasn’t his fault and then showed him footage from his vehicle’s rear camera.
To everyone’s surprise the footage showed a woman holding a Rampant Rabbit-style sex toy and fastening up her trousers at the time of the collision.
The firm, which refused to identify the driver or release the video said: “The matter is in the hands of our insurers”. That video will be watched a good few times by the insurers, no doubt!
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Kevan Blackadder

Written by Kevan Blackadder

Kevan Blackadder is a media consultant who runs Blackadder Media Limited. Kevan was previously editor of the Gloucestershire Echo and assistant editor of the Bristol Post. A Cumbrian who moved to the South West “for a couple of years” in the 1980s, he can’t quite believe he’s been there ever since.

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