Being fat is not your fault!

IT’S OFFICIAL – being fat is not your fault! Scientific research has discovered that living near a main road causes people to gain weight, with the risk of obesity more than twice that for people who live in homes that are also under a flight path or near a railway line. People of Hounslow rejoice!

Researchers think that the stress caused from traffic noise raises stress levels to the point where your body starts to store extra fat in preparation for a crisis, when food might be in short supply. Apparently, normal traffic noise is about 45 decibels, but for every five decibels above that, the average homeowner can expect to have a 1.4cm larger waistline than those who live in the shires.

Living under a flight path combined with road and railway noise was also found to double the risk of obesity. It’s got nothing whatsoever to do with the amount of Jammy Dodgers or Jaffa Cakes we manage to shove down ourselves in the week. Being big-boned is no longer an excuse – it’s entirely down to where you live.

According to Dr Andrei Pyko, of the Karolinska Institute in Sweden: “Traffic noise is a common and increasing environmental exposure, primarily due to ongoing urbanisation and growth of the transport sector.

“Road traffic is the dominating force, followed by aircraft and railway noise. Health effects related to traffic noise are widespread and span from annoyance, sleep disturbance and changes in stress hormone levels to adverse effects on the cardiovascular system”.

Phew. What a result. We’re fat but it’s not our fault. Where is that emergency family bag of Maltesers?

STAYING with good things to eat, this week it has been revealed that the health boffins have got it all wrong and butter and eggs are very much back on the menu. Since the 1970s the health police have been lecturing us about foods high in cholesterol and how they posed a danger to our cardio vascular systems.
Not any more. The US government is to accept advice to drop cholesterol from its long list of ‘nutrients of concern’. Doctors are now focussing their concerns on sugar and the diabetes timebomb instead. It’s a wonder us mere mortals can keep up with all this ‘nanny state’ clap trap. One week it’s ‘a glass of red wine a day is good for you’ and another it is ‘don’t ever touch coffee’.
Britain is expected to go the same way as the US. London-based cardiologist Dr Aseem Malhotra, science director of campaign group Action on Sugar, wrote in the British Medical Journal that it was time to ‘bust the myth of saturated fat in heart disease’. He added that the food industry has in fact contributed to the nation’s heart disease by lowering levels of saturated fat in food and replacing it with sugar.
Confused? Go down the pub, have a few glasses of red wine, a tasty steak and a coffee to finish while you have the chance. The way things are going it could all be off the menu by next week.
THIS week, for once, the Labour MP for Rochdale Simon Danczuk has said something sensible. He has branded the Treasury payout of £134K to failed child protection boss Sue Berelowitz as ‘disgraceful’.
Not only did she fail to raise the alarm about Pakistani gangs grooming young girls, she walked away with a voluntary redundancy payment and the next day jumped back on the gravy train as a £1K a day consultant.
Which bit of ‘failed’ does the Treasury not understand? The people that have been failed are the young women who have been woefully let down by Berelowitz and too many like her. It’s just plain wrong.
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Kevan Blackadder

Written by Kevan Blackadder

Kevan Blackadder is a media consultant who runs Blackadder Media Limited. Kevan was previously editor of the Gloucestershire Echo and assistant editor of the Bristol Post. A Cumbrian who moved to the South West “for a couple of years” in the 1980s, he can’t quite believe he’s been there ever since.

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